Christian and Single
I am now in my 70’s, married for 40+ years. But I still value the direction, purpose, and resolve that I, as a bachelor, received from Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians, chapter 7.
Verse 1
Verse 1
KJV |
Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. |
NASB |
Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. |
ESV |
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” |
RSV |
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote. It is well for a man not to touch a woman. |
NIV 1972 |
Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. |
NIV 2011 |
Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” |
This first verse in the chapter seems to have giving translators a headache.
Now concerning the things about which you wrote...
In this chapter Paul is responding to specific questions which the Christians in Corinth had about marriage. We can infer from Paul’s answers in this chapter as to what their questions might have been. Such as...
It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
I will deal with the verb “to touch” in a moment. But for now, notice that some recent translations enclose the sentence in quotation marks. Meaning what? It means that the translators assume that the sentence is a direct quote from Corinthians’ letter to Paul.
I disagree. The older versions have it right. Paul is the author of that sentence, not the Corinthians. Why do I draw that conclusion?
Now, what did Paul mean when he wrote, “It is good for a man not to touch a woman”?
Does that mean a friendly handshake or hug is off limits? Or if we have a date, we can’t hold hands?
The Greek infinitive verb translated as
“to touch” in older English versions,
“to marry” in the 1972 NIV,
“to have sexual relations with” in ESV and 2011 NIV
is the Greek word “haptesthai” [ἅπτεσθαι]. It comes from the verb “hapto” [ἅπτω] which means:
to fasten to, make fire adhere to, to kindle, set on fire.
In classical Greek, the word was sometimes used to refer to sexual intercourse.
Since Paul is discussing in this chapter both the life of single Christians and married Christians, interpreting haptesthai as sexual relations hardly makes sense. Single Christians are forbidden to have sex, and married Christians are commanded to have sex with their spouses (and ONLY their spouses).
(See Genesis 1:28; 1 Corinthians 7:2-5).
How do we make sense of this verse?
Looking at the verb’s root meaning, “to set on fire,” what this verse said to me as a single Christian was that I should not touch a woman in a way that would arouse desires which could not be righteously satisfied – either desires in myself or in desires her.
I understood that inappropriate “touching” could happen physically, verbally, or any other personal interaction which enflames desires.
When my wife and I began our romantic relationship, we held hands and kissed. But we also mutually agreed that we would protect our relationship by NOT touching each other in ways that were inappropriate until we were husband and wife. And we were very specific: No touching private parts, no hands under clothes, both feet stay flat on the floor, until our wedding night.
During the latter weeks of our engagement, in order to curb temptations to jump the gun, we escalated our resolve by even further limiting our physical expressions of affection, until we were married.
Now as a married man, this verse speaks to me differently. My touch is reserved for my wife alone, and no other woman, no matter how casual or “harmless.”
Verses 2-5 are Paul’s instructions to married couples that it is their Christian duty to enjoy and satisfy each other physically.
In the rest of the chapter, Paul concedes that marriage is a good thing, but he contends that remaining single is better (“I wish all men were as I am.” v. 7). Those who are single have more time and energy for Christian service. Those who are married, their primary Christian service is to their spouses, and eventually their children.
What this said to me as a single pastor who spent a lot of time traveling (my Deaf ministry field covered the northern third of the state of Illinois) was that I could take advantage of my single state by taking all the time I needed to conduct my ministry away from home. I was free of family obligations.
Coming home to an empty apartment after a week on the road wasn’t fun. I had the desire to marry, and I expected that one day I would be married. And I understood that when that day would come, my responsibility to my wife and family would limit by time away from home. After I married, my long trips on the road changed to several quick runs to my various ministry locations and back home again. On weekends, my wife could travel with me.
Why date?
It is important to understand that the ultimate destination of a dating relationship is marriage. If a romantic relationship you are in will not likely lead to marriage, or a God-pleasing marriage, then you ought not be dating that person. “Playing at marriage” is playing with fire. The destructive force of that fire is beyond belief.
If the person you are dating is not committed to Christ and growing in faith, that alone is a deal breaker for God’s blessing on that relationship. (See 1 Cor. 7:39; 2 Cor. 6:14-16)
What if God wants me remain single for the rest of my life?
That question was always present during my bachelor days. Lifelong singlehood was not something I would forward to, but my primary desire was to be in the center of God’s will for my life. I was willing to will the will of God. So my prayer was that if it was His plan for me to serve Him the rest of my life as a single Christian, He would give me contentment in my single state.
But for the moment, the important issue was not that God might call me to remain single for the rest of my life. He was calling me to serve Him as a single Christian in that moment. I could leave my questions about the future in His hands.
Now concerning the things about which you wrote...
In this chapter Paul is responding to specific questions which the Christians in Corinth had about marriage. We can infer from Paul’s answers in this chapter as to what their questions might have been. Such as...
- Should a Christian person who is single marry?
- Should a single Christian who is engaged proceed to marry, or break off the engagement?
- Should a married person who becomes a Christian divorce his/her unbelieving spouse?
- If an unbeliever divorces a spouse who is Christian, can or should the Christian remarry?
- Should Christian widows remarry?
It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
I will deal with the verb “to touch” in a moment. But for now, notice that some recent translations enclose the sentence in quotation marks. Meaning what? It means that the translators assume that the sentence is a direct quote from Corinthians’ letter to Paul.
I disagree. The older versions have it right. Paul is the author of that sentence, not the Corinthians. Why do I draw that conclusion?
- That sentence is not a question. It is a statement.
- The thought of that sentence clearly flows into the teaching that follows.
- The next sentence (verse 2) begins with “But...” which is a nonsensical way to begin an answer to a question. (The Greek word translated here as “but” can mean “but” or “and”, depending on context. Here the correct translation is “but.”)
- When we unpack the meaning of that verb “touch,” the sense of the sentence becomes clear.
Now, what did Paul mean when he wrote, “It is good for a man not to touch a woman”?
Does that mean a friendly handshake or hug is off limits? Or if we have a date, we can’t hold hands?
The Greek infinitive verb translated as
“to touch” in older English versions,
“to marry” in the 1972 NIV,
“to have sexual relations with” in ESV and 2011 NIV
is the Greek word “haptesthai” [ἅπτεσθαι]. It comes from the verb “hapto” [ἅπτω] which means:
to fasten to, make fire adhere to, to kindle, set on fire.
In classical Greek, the word was sometimes used to refer to sexual intercourse.
Since Paul is discussing in this chapter both the life of single Christians and married Christians, interpreting haptesthai as sexual relations hardly makes sense. Single Christians are forbidden to have sex, and married Christians are commanded to have sex with their spouses (and ONLY their spouses).
(See Genesis 1:28; 1 Corinthians 7:2-5).
How do we make sense of this verse?
Looking at the verb’s root meaning, “to set on fire,” what this verse said to me as a single Christian was that I should not touch a woman in a way that would arouse desires which could not be righteously satisfied – either desires in myself or in desires her.
I understood that inappropriate “touching” could happen physically, verbally, or any other personal interaction which enflames desires.
When my wife and I began our romantic relationship, we held hands and kissed. But we also mutually agreed that we would protect our relationship by NOT touching each other in ways that were inappropriate until we were husband and wife. And we were very specific: No touching private parts, no hands under clothes, both feet stay flat on the floor, until our wedding night.
During the latter weeks of our engagement, in order to curb temptations to jump the gun, we escalated our resolve by even further limiting our physical expressions of affection, until we were married.
Now as a married man, this verse speaks to me differently. My touch is reserved for my wife alone, and no other woman, no matter how casual or “harmless.”
Verses 2-5 are Paul’s instructions to married couples that it is their Christian duty to enjoy and satisfy each other physically.
In the rest of the chapter, Paul concedes that marriage is a good thing, but he contends that remaining single is better (“I wish all men were as I am.” v. 7). Those who are single have more time and energy for Christian service. Those who are married, their primary Christian service is to their spouses, and eventually their children.
What this said to me as a single pastor who spent a lot of time traveling (my Deaf ministry field covered the northern third of the state of Illinois) was that I could take advantage of my single state by taking all the time I needed to conduct my ministry away from home. I was free of family obligations.
Coming home to an empty apartment after a week on the road wasn’t fun. I had the desire to marry, and I expected that one day I would be married. And I understood that when that day would come, my responsibility to my wife and family would limit by time away from home. After I married, my long trips on the road changed to several quick runs to my various ministry locations and back home again. On weekends, my wife could travel with me.
Why date?
It is important to understand that the ultimate destination of a dating relationship is marriage. If a romantic relationship you are in will not likely lead to marriage, or a God-pleasing marriage, then you ought not be dating that person. “Playing at marriage” is playing with fire. The destructive force of that fire is beyond belief.
If the person you are dating is not committed to Christ and growing in faith, that alone is a deal breaker for God’s blessing on that relationship. (See 1 Cor. 7:39; 2 Cor. 6:14-16)
What if God wants me remain single for the rest of my life?
That question was always present during my bachelor days. Lifelong singlehood was not something I would forward to, but my primary desire was to be in the center of God’s will for my life. I was willing to will the will of God. So my prayer was that if it was His plan for me to serve Him the rest of my life as a single Christian, He would give me contentment in my single state.
But for the moment, the important issue was not that God might call me to remain single for the rest of my life. He was calling me to serve Him as a single Christian in that moment. I could leave my questions about the future in His hands.